


All for the Sake of Love

by Polarnacht



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Dark, Obsession, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, Possessive Behavior, Songfic, Sort Of, Suicide, Unhealthy Relationships, Wings, kind of, stupid law
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:08:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22571503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht
Summary: When Alec and Jace meet, their mutual affection is clearly visible. But instead of acting on it, they decide to become Parabatai, both having their own reasons for their choice. Can they let go of each other and find peace and love with others?Nephilim have wings in this world.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	All for the Sake of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there,  
> this is a song based fic. The song “All for the Sake of Love” is from the amazing German band “Die Toten Hosen”, one of my childhood’s favourite bands. A couple of weeks ago I came across this love song again and couldn’t stop thinking of it (I actually heard the German version “Alles aus Liebe”) so this fic developed. I strongly recommend listening to the song while reading, it helps with the mood! The songtext is the original one, I just changed girl into boy – for obvious reasons. 
> 
> Small warning: this is not a happy fic, it’s rather dark.
> 
> In this universe, Nephilim have wings. 
> 
> Enjoy 

**All for the Sake of Love**

When Alec Lightwood and Jace Wayland meet for the first time in the training room of the New York Institute, the air is suddenly buzzing with electricity. Mesmerized the two young boys stand in front of each other, not comprehending what is happening between them. But the moment Alec looks in Jace’s mismatched eyes and sees the turmoil in them, the loneliness even the cockiest smile cannot hide, he is lost. And he knows it. This boy is his to protect, to care for. To love. As a brother of course, a friend.

*

 ** _I wish that I could tell you just how much you mean to me_** ** _  
The way I think about you constantly  
You've got me where you want me - you're the spider, I'm the fly  
I can't break free 'cause I never try  
_***

Jace feels the pull, there is no way in denying it. He feels helplessly drawn to the raven haired boy, to his gender heart and his seriousness which is the perfect counterpart to his recklessness. He is sure that Alec is the one for him, but he is even surer that to love is to destroy and being loved means being destroyed – and he cannot do this to Alec. So he comes up with the second best thing. He asks Alec if he wants to become his Parabatai, the most sacred bond in the Shadow World. Once united, nothing can separate you. You are one heart and one body, you share one soul, a piece of the other is constantly with you. But as soon as the bond settles in, you are not allowed to have a romantic relationship with your Parabatai. Which is kind of the point, isn’t it? So why is Jace feeling slightly disappointed when Alec finally accepts the offer?

****

**_*  
It's a messed up worn-out fairytale  
So why is it we still pretend?  
When we both can say there's just no way  
That this could have a happy end_ **

**_*_ **

****

****

When Jace proposes to become Parabatai Alec is thrilled, on the one side. To tie your soul together to be one, to pledge yourself to the other is everything Alec ever wanted – except for the forbidden feelings he tries to ignore since the day he has met the blond.

But loving a boy, his supposed to be brother, surely is wrong. He knows how others think, he knows his parents will never approve. And there is no way Jace feels the same about him. He sees how the younger boy flirts with girls. So he burries his feelings even deeper and says yes.

The day of the ceremony will forever be the best and the worst day of Alec’s life. When they draw the rune to the other’s hip and the bond first opens, the feelings which come through are raw, unfiltered, unmasked. Alec’s eyes widen in shock and awe when he realizes the deepness of Jace’s feelings towards him. The _love_ he feels pulsing through the bond. Platonic love, right? But either way, it is too late. The Parabatai curse a too high risk to take and the Clave too strict about it to dare go against it. But the _what if_ will forever linger in the back of Alec’s mind.

**_  
*  
The thought of you with any other tears me up inside  
From Dr. Jeckyll I turn into Mr. Hyde  
The fear of losing you is driving me insane  
Even though I know you're not the one to blame  
  
The storyline for me and you is getting very near the end  
And we both can see how the end will be, so why do we still pretend?_ **

**_*_ **

****

****

Being Jace’s Parabatai is the best thing in Alec’s life. His cold parents’ constant pressure and high expectations sometimes drown him, but Jace is always there to pull him up. Their instant friendship has transformed to an even closer bond, naturally so, given that each of them carries now the soul of the other.

They understand each other without saying words, the emotions coming through the bond not as pure as they have been at the beginning, but still strong, steady, sometimes overwhelming. Whenever Alec catches Jace staring at him, Alec wanders if Jace’s feelings have been so platonic all along. But what he knows is, that he is the most important person in Jace’s life. The girls come and go, no one is meant to stay. He learns to tolerate it and just shrugs when he hears certain noises coming from the room next door. He ignores the teasing, for him it is not the right way to fool around. He is content with being his Parabatai’s number one.

But then, one day, a redhead stumbles in their life and turns everything upside down. The way she looks at _his_ Jace and, much worse, the way he looks _back_ can mean only one thing. She is different. She will stay. And Alec needs to get a grip. He should be happy. Jace deserves to be loved. But not by that foolish selfish girl. But by him. Each time the blond choses her over him he wants to scream, he wants to punch Jace till his knuckles bleed and only their raw love is left. Instead, he gets broodier every day, encaged in his own misery. Because the girl, _Clary,_ is allowed to have what he can’t. When Jace kisses Clary in the hallway of the Institute he feels his heart being ripped into pieces. He knows, it’s time to move on. But he also knows, that he has no idea where to.

**_  
*  
I need to show how much I love you  
I need to prove my heart is true!  
I'm gonna show the world how much I love you boy  
I'm gonna kill myself for you!  
  
I'm feeling more uneasy with the dawn of each new day  
It's the fear of losing you that makes me feel this way  
It's then I realize there's only one thing left to do  
It's the only way to make you stay forever true_ **

**_*_ **

Jace grits his teeth when he hears the Warlock addresses his Parabatai as pretty boy. _Of course_ he is pretty, no point in rubbing that in. He hates the way his Alec blushes when the Warlock flirts with him. He wants to jump in front of him, bare his teeth and growl _mine._ But he knows he can’t, because as much as Alec is his, as much he isn’t. He loves being bound to Alec in the most profound way known to mankind, but the older he gets the more often a small voice pipes up in his head asking _What if._ What if love doesn’t destroy? What if love makes you stronger? He looks at his beautiful Parabatai and swallows, he knows he will never learn what comes after the if.

But when he feels that pull again, much lighter than the pull he has felt for Alec, but still, he decides to go all in. For the first time he kisses someone and means it. Yet, the Warlock, _Magnus,_ has no right to flirt with what is supposed to be his. 

****

**_*_ **

**_Well, I know there's nothing we can do_ ** **_  
To keep alive the love we found  
And when I've played out this last scene with you  
I'm gonna bring the final curtain down_ **

**_*_ **

Jace sees Alec dressed in gold standing in front of the altar, imagining what it would feel to stand at his side, and not as his best man but as his groom. He hates the idea that Alec is giving away his life to just fulfil the selfish need of his parents to polish the Lightwood name. Lydia is a sweet girl, but first, she is not Jace, second she is a girl. Even if they have never spoken about it, the blond knows that Alec will never be happy with a girl. So when Magnus shows up just before the final vow is made and Alec rushes down the aisle to kiss him like he has never done anything else, Jace doesn’t know what to feel.

He is relieved that Alec doesn’t bond himself to the wrong person again. But then, point one still applies. Magnus is not Jace. He looks at his girlfriend who beams happily at him and he thinks it can all work out. He can be happy with Clary, Alec can be happy with Magnus. He loves her, he really does. But he kind of loves Alec more. But he is his Parabatai, that will always come first, right? Not for the first time he wanders about the stupid law. How are you supposed to share a soul and not share your heart? How are you supposed to not fall in love when you can feel the heartbeat of your perfect match constantly?

**_  
*  
I need to show how much I love you  
I need to prove my heart is true!  
I'm gonna show the world how much I love you boy  
I'm gonna kill myself for you  
  
_ **

**_  
The storyline for me and you is getting very near the end  
And we both can see how the end will be, so why do we still pretend?_ **

**_*_ **

From here, things go downhill. Jace is abducted by his psycho father and Alec hates the way Jace sacrifices himself, as if his life doesn’t matter. But it matters. It fucking matters to him, it matters more than anything else. He loves Magnus, he really does, but if he had to choose? But the good thing is, he doesn’t. Magnus is his boyfriend, something Jace can never be thanks to a decision two young boys have made years ago, too young to understand the concept of true love, even if it was right in front of them. So Alec tries to be happy with his warlock, no, he doesn’t try, he is. He just might be a little happier with someone else.

When Jace is back from the Morningstar things go back to normal, but not for long. There is a war to fight and a villain to kill. Jace and Clary go after Valentine all by themselves, which pisses of Alec in a way he cannot explain. They are Parabatai, a bond developed for battle – and Jace chooses the redhead, again. Instead of punching the cocky grin of his blond’s face Alec pulls himself together and tells him to be careful. As if.

The moment he feels Jace die, the moment his Parabatai rune starts to bleed and fade away, the moment Alec wants to die himself. The pain is excruciating, consuming him – till it suddenly stops. He looks stunned at his rune, which shows the same black color than ever. He shakes his head, relieve washing through his body. When Jace and Clary return, Alec hugs Jace as tight as he has ever wished for but never has dared doing.

“What happened, Jace? I felt you dying. You were dying. How can you be alive?”

Jace just shrugs. “Nothing happened, Alec. I’m fine.”

At this blunt lie something snaps in Alec. This time, he punches the blond, once, twice. He feels a bone braking under his fist; he sees the blood in the blond’s face, mixing with tears of pain. Hazel brown eyes, dazed with rage, meet confused blue and gold.

Without a word, Alec spreads his wings and takes off, speeding towards the burning sun, as if he is Ikarus wanting to get burnt. In a split second Jace is on his feet, wiping away the blood and chasing after his Parabatai. He crashes into him, high above in the sky over Alicante, the Demon Towers being only small dots on the ground. They are a ball of feathers, their wings interlace while they grind against each other, fighting and bickering. And they fall. The longer their fight lasts, the faster they fall. They just have to let go of each other to spread their wings and avoid the clash. But letting go has always been their problem, hasn’t it?

They say, Nephilim only fall once for only one person. But what happens when you fall? Exactly, at one point of time, you hit the ground. One way or the other.

**_  
*  
I need to show how much I love you  
I need to prove my heart is true!  
I'm gonna show the world how much I love you boy  
I'm gonna kill myself for you!  
I'm gonna show how much I love you  
I'm gonna prove my heart is true!  
I'm gonna show the world how much I love you boy  
I'm gonna kill myself for you!  
I'm gonna show the world how much I love you boy  
Yes, I'm gonna kill me and you!_ **

**_*_ **

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I acutally wrote something in present tense. It was kind of weired, but it just fits better to the song. I found it rather difficult to tag this story, so if I miss simething just inform me. Please let me know what you think about the song/fic. Kudos are also very welcome! Thank you!


End file.
